August and the Olympics came and went... Also in August, came the spiders.... but they've decided they aren't gonna go anywhere... To be honest, I don't think I have ever lived in a house anywhere with so many house spiders....ever!
This might sound fine to some of you.. to me, an "ex-arachnophobe", it's a test.. and a bloody big test at that.
Life can be hard enough, but with something so simple as telling your relatively new family that spiders are fine and they are great for keeping the flies under control and then having them thrown at you from all directions just to see IF you really mean what you said.... well, frankly, that sucks.. Life IS hard enough so when I take our wheelie bin to the dustbin removal point in the street, I feel I really should NOT have to re-enact the scene from Indiana Jones, running the gauntlet down the alleyway to get through a million enormous spiders webs just to get rid of the rubbish.. THIS IS NOT FAIR!!!!!!!
Regarding the house spiders... one of the big fat furry legged blighters emerged up the wall from behind the big screen telly which caused a mild panic for Mrs SC, but she dealt with the situation in a very calm and controlled manner - Yes.. she threw the telly at it.... Ok.. no.. she didn't... but I was at work at the time and that worrying image DID actually play through my head..
Another, 2 days later - I found in the kitchen sink... and it was big.. VERY big... too big to even go down the plughole when I tried drowning it.. so I watched the 'poor thing' struggle for a while and then decided the best thing was to get a very long piece of kitchen roll and help it out. (Fortunately I possess a gift for quick thinking a là Jason Bourne - Unfortunately I do not possess much in the way of his courage or bravery - nope..not a jot regarding such things)... It grabbed the end and luckily it was forced to catch it's breath whilst it held on, thus rendering it immobile for a few seconds... I had to be quick.... I took it outside and gave an almighty hurl that sent it flying down the garden -
I now sleep with one eye open as I think it got a good look at me with it's 6 or 8 eyes (whatever it has!)..
I also now have a recurring dream where there is 6 (or 8) of ME in a police lineout and behind the glass is a massive great 2 metre tall spider telling a policeman next to him.. "Yes... that's the bastard who tried drowning me... definitely... all of my eyes got a good look at him and I'd recognise him again anywhere". As a sliver of drool falls to the floor from one of his fangs that show as he grins evilly before me... Oh dear Lord!....
The next incident occurred in the kitchen, on the wall, right by the back door - late evening and time for me to get the cats in.... without noticing it in the gloom, I opened the back door and called our 2 cats... they came bounding up the path eager for a late night snack and both suddenly stopped dead in their tracks! "Come on cats.. in you come".. they were statue'esque. Of course, I just thought they were simply being their bizarre little selves but they were most definitely not coming through that door.. I told Mrs SC and she had a go at getting them, to no avail... Oh well.. they can stay out...
Then I spotted it... was like something from another planet.. he saw me looking at him... I'm sure he growled! - "Did you hear that, Mrs SC?" I said.... "Hear what?".... "Errr.. ok.. never mind..."
Fly swatter time although I wasn't 100% sure this would be effective - this could have had the same effect as me fly swatting Ayres Rock to be honest.. although Ayres Rock probably wouldn't get quite so annoyed and jump at my throat in retaliation... I had to time this to perfection... I stood against the opposite wall and gently opened the back door (without showing any fear!!! - this was not to impress Mrs SC of course, but to help keep Mega-Spidey calm...). I shuffled back slowly.. picking up the fly swatter without him seeing... I hid it up behind my back as I approached the beast as carefully as Hercules approached the Hydra (I use this analogy as with the Hydra, should you cut one head off then 2 grow back - I felt this could be an easily achievable feat for this particular monster also... or break a leg.. then 2 even larger, longer legs grow back - big enough to wrap around my throat, I'd wager!!)... ok.. maybe not quite, but even so, it was STILL big!
Long story short.... I swatted, he flew out of the house with a parting cry of "I KILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL YOUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" as he went.. the cats made a dash for it and both ran into the house and round the corner cartoon style, back legs sliding everywhere - I slammed the door shut and double - no triple - locked it!
Time for bed but would sleep come easily?
I'm Andy. I try to make interesting Digital Art. Thank you.